For Whose Glory?

We went to a cottage one day this week and I finally found some time to resume reading More Love to Thee, the biography of Elizabeth Prentiss. Once I started reading I wondered why I've delayed so long in getting back into this gem! I was blessed almost immediately upon opening the book, or maybe I should say convicted and really forced to examine some of the motives of my heart.

There is a small paragraph in the biography that refers to an earlier period in Elizabeth's life, where she really struggled with being able to pray aloud with individuals or in small groups. At first I thought this odd as from the rest of her life it did not appear that she was concerned with what others would think of her. Then I read the possible explanation as to why she did not pray: "Perhaps this had something to do with her upbringing, or perhaps it was her almost morbid fear of hypocrisy. She never wanted to appear more spiritual than she actually was."

Well this got me. I want a heart more like hers. I want a heart that cares more about bringing glory to Christ than making a good name for myself!

I've often struggled with this in regards to blogging. A good friend and I were discussing some issues we have with blogging and some of the things that we don't like about it, and our major concern was the fact that it is so easy to appear more spiritual or 'together' than we actually are.
It is so easy to put forth our best in blogging. To sound like we have everything in order.

I was so convicted as I read about Elizabeth's concern to not be a hypocrite, to never appear more spiritual than she was. Why would she have this concern? From reading her biography and many of her writings, she sounds quite spiritual, and if that were our merit for praying it appears that she would definitely be more qualified than many. But in the words of Charles Haddon Spurgeon, "the holier a man becomes, the more he mourns over the unholiness that remains in him." The more we begin to know God and the more sanctified we become, the more we see our own unworthiness, the more we see the sin that is still in us and the more we see that all we are is because of grace. The more we grow, the less we would long for anyone to make much of us.

I long for this type of heart. I see such evidences of this type of hypocrisy in my own heart, a desire to been seen as a spiritual or godly woman, and even my desire to actually be more spiritual or godly can be hypocritical.

Now obviously the longing to be more spiritual and more godly are not inherently wrong in themselves, but the desire begs the question, 'Why do we want to be more spiritual or more godly?' Do I honestly long for these things so that God will be glorified through me? Or do I want these things because I want glory for myself?

Are you 'contending for supremacy with God' Christian? Do you want to sound more spiritual than you actually are, or do you even want to be more spiritual because that would mean glory for you?

For me, I know that self and pride are still competing so fiercely for exaltation, because even as I write this post, I desire to write more than I am currently desiring to meet with my God in his Holy Word.

'Create in me a clean heart, Oh God, and renew a right spirit within me.' Change my heart, make me long for your glory above all else, make me long for others to love you more than anything and especially more than me!