Grace Abundant

The Lord saw fit to save me about 13 years ago or so. It has been quite a journey and God has been faithful to continue to reveal himself to me. In the past few years I've begun to learn more about the character of God, yet at the same time I've realized that there is so much more that is a mystery!

For the past couple of years, until not long ago actually, I was constantly plagued by doubts and uncertainty in the goodness of my God. I was confused and always questioning God, unable to read my Bible without doubting and virtually demanding explanation.

I really wasn't able to grow closer to God, wasn't able to love him as I ought to love him, wasn't able to find comfort and supreme joy in him, wasn't able to examine my own heart and see my sin, I was always focused on figuring out why God works the way he does and asking questions of him.

I was aware of the pride in my heart...I understood that my doubts and questions were a reflection of a heart that thought that I knew better than God. I knew that I was being incredibly audacious. I knew of God's words to Job and thought of them often, "Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?" (Job 38:2). I knew of Paul's words to the Romans, "For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counsellor? Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?" (Romans 11:34). I knew this stuff! Yet it wasn't changing my heart.

I would read, I would question. I would pray, I wouldn't find comfort. Doubts and fears and uncertainties assailed me almost daily! It got to the point where I was actually afraid to read my Bible and pray, and I wouldn't just so I could avoid questioning God. It was easier to not think of it. Needless to say, I was in a dry and weary land.

Well, the reason that I'm writing this post is because my God did not leave me in this land without water, and I am rejoicing in this!

I'd just finished my devotions several weeks ago and I was meditating on the compassion and mercies of God while I was blow-drying my hair (this takes awhile). As I was thinking over these things it suddenly struck me that I was truly delighting in God and marvelling at his character revealed to me in the verses that I'd just read. I wasn't questioning, I wasn't suspicious...I was loving him!

I wish I could tell you what had happened, what had brought about the change, but it came so slowly that I didn't even recognize it had come. All that I know is God was gracious to me. I had prayed for so long that my heart would change and God heard that prayer.

I am still reading the minor prophets and where I once would have only seen wrath, I now see abundant grace and mercy, where I once would have been suspicious of God, I am now delighting in him, where I once would have been demanding answers from God, I am now examining my own heart for sin, where I once met with frustration and emptiness, I now find life for my soul.

God is faithful. Don't give up hope, Christian. Keep reading your bible, keep praying, keep preaching to your own heart. God loves you and he will give you drink.

Crushed With Guilt Well

I just listened to an excellent message on Psalm 51 by John Piper that I thought I would pass on. I would strongly urge you listen to this as it really forces a Christian to examine the way they view their own sin. You can find it here.

The God of Amos

I've recently been reading through the minor prophets in my personal devotions and I've truly been blessed during these times, so I thought I would record some of the things that I've been meditating on.

I finished the book of Amos, not long ago, and I was just struck again by the mercies of God! The book of Amos is filled with God's judgments on his people, the Israelites, yet at the same time the pages are brimming with unimaginable mercy and compassion. During the prophetic ministry of Amos, both kingdoms are in the midst of enjoying prosperity and stability, which seems to lead to their downfall. Oppression of the poor, idolatry and corruption are also rampant at this time. God is angry and quite obviously so.

Chapter 4 in particular lists many of the plagues that the Lord inflicted upon his people for their sin. Now this would have been enough. The people sinned, God punished, end of story. Justice is served. But as we Christians know, God didn't end the story here, for which I personally am so grateful. At the end of each infliction in this chapter, the Lord declares 'yet you did not return to me.' And this is where I saw a glimpse of the heart of my God.

God could have judged the Israelites and punished them for their transgressions for no other reason than the fact that they sinned and deserved punishment. It was their due! But no, he did not punish merely because he must be just, but he punished in mercy. He desired their return to him. He desired that they repent of their sin. He desired that they forsake other gods and serve him alone.

So often you hear people say that the God of the Old Testament is a God of wrath, but the God of the New Testament is a God of love and mercy. I don't know about you, but I see a God of love and mercy in the Old Testament! It was this God who prepared beforehand the death of Christ, to purchase our salvation! It pleased this God to bruise his only son for our transgressions!

The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation. (Exodus 34:6,7)

Precious Moments

I'd been feeling rather down on myself awhile back for not keeping better track of special days and events in the lives of my little girls. I hadn't thought of a creative way to present it, I just wasn't organized enough when Susannah was born, and I just found time kept getting away from me.

Well, Susannah is talking quite a bit now and doing the most funny things, so Julian came up with a great idea for me to keep track of these things. It's simple and doesn't require much time at all.

I opened up a Google Document and I just jot down the date and a quick line or two when something special or particularly cute and funny occurs. I've also been able to track the milestones for Caitlyn really well. I can write down when she's getting closer to doing something. I find it a bit easier than trying to decide the actual first day she does something. She's been repeating 'mama' and 'dada' lately, but I'm not convinced that it's accurate to record this time and these words as her first words so I just write that it seems like she's trying to say stuff, and I'll journal more as we go! Not an ingenious or overly complicated plan but it's working fantastic and I'm so excited to have these things written down. I figure that I can go back later and figure out some creative way to present it nice and pretty! At least I have the information recorded now. I also find typing makes it easier too since I can type much faster than I write.

Here are a few excerpts, for your enjoyment.

Susannah (my eldest - she's 19 months)

July 7, 2008
Today you did a couple of funny things! You were playing on your own for awhile and I noticed you were rather quiet. Often this means trouble. On this particular occasion you were playing with Elly (stuffed beany Elephant) and changing her diaper. We have a little change station in the living room, with a basket full of diaper changing needs, vaseline, lil goats cream, diapers, etc. You've gotten into the vaseline before and have been told not to touch it on various occasions. Well, when I noticed how quiet you'd become I thought I should check out exactly what you were doing. What a laugh your dad and I had over this! You had Elly laying on her back with her legs open and you were putting vaseline in Elly's "private" area! I took a picture of Elly just so you could see. What a hoot!


For dinner tonight we were having hotdogs and corn, and you wanted to keep drinking from daddy's glass. Well he let you and you were doing really well with it, so we gave you your own plastic cup to try. You did well with it for awhile and then your dad and I looked over at you again and you were busy soaking your hotdog in it, and then eating it quite happily.

July 8, 2008
Dad bought himself some mini-wheats for breakfast, so I thought you may like them. Cereal is your favourite. You especially like to lift the bowl and drink the milk. Most often, you don't even wait until the end to drink the milk. Well apparently you don't like mini-wheats. When I looked over at you, you were taking them out of your bowl, one at a time, and placing them on your tray. When you noticed me watching you, you said, "I drink" and proceeded to lift your now empty bowl and polish off the milk! Then you smushed all the mini wheats. You're too much!

I was putting some clothes away in your room today and I heard you singing in the other room. I walked over to listen and you were singing "Jesus, thank you," or should I say "Jesus, cake you".

July 9, 2008
Today you told daddy that you loved him, unprompted. This was a first. I'm waiting for my turn.

Caitlyn (she's my 8 month old)

July 1, 2008
We had company over tonight and you were so much fun, as well as a bit of trouble. You waved quite a bit for our guest during dinner. It's really funny because you smile so big while you're doing it, and it looks like you're revving up a motorcycle. I just love it. Your sister waved more like the queen when she learned.

You seemed to have a rumbly tummy tonight because you cried out every time we put you down to sleep. I got you up for a bit and you sat on the floor and played ball with me. You were having so much fun, and you could catch the ball quite well.

July 2, 2008
Aunt Jan and the kids were downstairs visiting today and when they were leaving you waved (imitating me) and said "bye" or at least it really sounded like it!

July 8, 2008
You're getting closer to crawling every day. I put you in the crawling position today a few times and you can stay in it and rock yourself a bit. I'm excited for you to start moving, but a little nervous too! You're starting to get the hang of your sippy cup a lot better now. You've begun to tip it up more. My little girl is growing up.

You had your second eye appointment today at Sick Kids. You did pretty well, everyone commented on what a happy baby you are. You were pretty set against them putting drops in your eyes though. You screamed and thrashed and tried to keep your eyes shut as best you could. You're a feisty one! You were great as soon as they were done though.

You've also started to become very possessive of toys. You scream very loudly if Susannah or I take a toy or juice cup from you.

July 10, 2008
It seems to your dad and I that you are starting to say some words. Dada and Mama in particular. You repeat them, when we sound them out for you. It's so adorable. We're not one hundred percent sure that it's not just a fluke every time, but we'll see as time goes by I guess.

Well that's that! I'm really loving this. I find that it's helping me to really delight in my children as well. Amidst a busy, bustling day, it's really great to just take a second to sit and type something cute or funny. It helps me gain perspective when I'm stressed and I can just thank God for the joy he's given me in my lovely children.

A Journal on Journaling

I thought it would be fun to do a series of posts (not consecutively) with my favourite lines from the book Stepping Heavenward. Some are just funny, some I like because I can hear myself in them, and some stir up my heart to love Christ more.

This book is a fictional journal of a young woman named Katherine as her life unfolds from age 16 to her later years. It follows her growth into a godly woman marked by her humility and hope.

This quote always gives me a good chuckle, because it reminds me of all the journals that I've started and thrown away and I just love the tone of it! It is 16-year-old Katy writing about making some resolutions:

I determined, in the first place, to begin this journal. To be sure, I have begun half a dozen and got tired of them after a while. Not tired of writing them, but disgusted with what I had to say of myself. But this time I mean to go on, in spite of everything. It will do me good to read it over and see what a creature I am.

I find the candor of Katy's speech throughout this book, especially in her younger years, very entertaining to read, mostly because it is so easy to identify with her! I find this especially funny as I think back to some of the nonsense that I've written in journals...that's why I never kept them or kept up with them when I was younger.

I must say though, that I have greatly come to appreciate the discipline of journaling as I've grown older. It's helped me to organize my thoughts, mediate on what I am learning of God, keep track of what God has been revealing to me of himself, and now I even enjoy going back to see what the Lord has been doing in my life and heart. I don't necessarily journal the events of my day, but rather I use this blog and I journal about what I'm reading during my morning devotions.

Don Whitney, in his book Spiritual Disciplines For the Christian Life, suggests that journaling is not only a good discipline but it is a spiritual one. He suggests that we journal for the purpose of godliness and that although journaling is not a Scriptural command, it is in fact modeled in the bible, the psalms being a perfect example of this. These are some of the benefits of journaling that Don lists in his book:

1)Help in Self-Understanding and Evaluation
2)Help in Meditation
3)Help in Expressing Thoughts and Feelings to the Lord
4)Help in Remembering the Lord's Works
5)Help in Creating and Preserving a Spiritual Heritage
6)Help in Clarifying and Articulating Insights and Impressions
7)Help in Monitoring Goals and Priorities
8)Help in Maintaining the Other Spiritual Disciplines

Now that is purposeful journaling! Are you journaling Christian? Are you making the most of it? Is it helping you to grow in godliness? By God's grace, I hope not to give up on this discipline so easily anymore. No more throwing out my journals!